We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
