office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
