I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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