its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
