did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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