after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
