he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize