i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
