I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
