Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize