seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
