How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
