Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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