so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
