Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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