why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He passed out mid-signature
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
