is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
