a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
