She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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