I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize