I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
