Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize