If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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