Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
