I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
