I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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