as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
