I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
someone owes me an orgasm
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We don't watch enough power rangers
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
