its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
