I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
