Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
