I should be sponsored by Trojan
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
