gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize