is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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