The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
