i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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