i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
