y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
