Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
