Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize