Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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