Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
