Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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