Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
