dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
