You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
