he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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