She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize