Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
