Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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