look no pants
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
