Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize