Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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