if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
