By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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