Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize