If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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