She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
