I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
a search helicopter?!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
