She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
