you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
