What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Buhtt sex?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
