oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
