ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
