Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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