his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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