The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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