you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
