I wanna passion pit in your ass
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
